Mottos To Live By:


* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

* A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

* For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

* He who hesitates is probably right.

* Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

* No one is listening until you make a mistake.

* Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

* The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

* The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

* The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

* To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

* Two wrongs are only the beginning.

* You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

* The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

* Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

* The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

* Don't sweat petty things - or pet sweaty things.

* A fool and his money are soon partying.

* Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

* Always try to be modest. And be darn proud of it!

* If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

* How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands. . . .